Human: Cats, come here, I have a story to tell you.
Cat 1: Oh good grief, here she goes again.
Cat 2: I told you we should have stayed up that tree for the rest of the day.
Cat 1: Ok, ok, you were right. You get my next 5 treats.
Human: Come on, kitties, treats!
Cat 1: Damnit.
Cat 2: They're all mine! Haha! *Munch*munch*munch*
Human: Many years ago, when I was just a mini-human...
Cat 1: You mean child. For heaven's sake just speak properly for once!
Human: Did you just say something?
Cat 1: Er... meow?
Human:... riiiight... anyway, as I was saying. Mini-me would watch whatever my parents watched, and one of those things was a series about an alien who travelled through time and space in a police box.
Cat 2: *Still munching* What is she saying? I can't hear for crunching on these delicious treats!
Cat 1: Don't rub it in. She's just waffling on about her childhood again.
Cat 2: Oh not again! Last time she did that she was wibbling on about Cagney and Lacey and our dinner was a full 5 minutes late!
Cat 1: Tell me about it!
Human: *Looking at the cats strangely* Are you two... talking to each other?
Cat 1: Don't be ridiculous, we're cats. We can't talk.
Cat 2: Yeah. Meow. See?
Human:... okaaaaay... so Mini-me would watch this programme and became more and more interested in it, until she found herself spending all her pocket money on the Target novelisations in the second hand bookshop (60p each, they were) and asking for the rare video releases for Christmases and birthdays.
Cat 2: And now she's talking about herself in the third person.
Cat 1: *Rolls eyes* I bet you the next 5 treats she tells us how it took over her life so it's all she read and wrote about in school.
Human: Her teachers became frustrated that she would only read books about it, and would only write stories about it in school.
Cat 1: Yesssss!
Cat 2: Oh go on, here's the last one I haven't eaten yet.
Human: How sweet, you're sharing your treats! Anyway, as I was saying, it was a bit of an all-consuming passion until the day the series ended and she sold all her stuff to a friend who was even more obsessive than she was.
Cat 2: The end. And they all lived happily ever after.
Human: But some years later, she found herself living in the USA and they tried to bring the show back by making a TV movie!
Cat 1: Well that was probably rubbish.
Human: Which she thought at the time was pretty rubbish.
Cat 1 and Cat 2 high five.
Human: So time travel forwards to 2005, when she was living on her own in the north and the show made a big come back.
Cat 2: Crap. I thought this story was coming to an end, and now it's just started again.
Human: And though she was nervous that it wouldn't be any good, it turned out to be absolutely brilliant and she fell in love with it all over again.
Cat 1: The end! Please?
Human: But...
Cat 1: *Sigh*
Human: Much as she loved it, over the coming years, life would get in the way of a lot of things, and she found herself watching it less and less.
Cat 2: The end!
Human: Until something big happened.
Cat 1: Will the pain never end?
Human: And they revealed that the latest actor to portray the main character would be a WOMAN!
Cat 2: Whoop-te-doo. More treats?
Human: So the no-longer-mini-me made a concerted effort to watch again and...
Cat 1: And?
Human: It was amazing. She fell in love all over again for the third time.
Cat 2: Look, human, this is all lovely...
Cat 1: It's not lovely, it's boring.
Cat 2: Whatever. What's it got to do with us, lady?
Human: I am so glad you asked!
Cat 1: Get on with it!
Human: You're going to watch the episodes with me!
Cat 2: Haha, no, really, what has it got to do with us?
Human: Really really! We're going to watch the episodes together so I can tell you all about how much I love it!
Cat 1: Think again!
Cat 2: Why on earth would we do that?
Human: How about three times your combined bodyweight in treats every weekend?
Cat 1: Deal. Let's begin!
Human: Hurrah! I'll stick the DVD in. Hold on - you really DID just speak!
Cat 2: To be honest, she got it a lot quicker than I thought she would...
